The Crazy World We Live In! Blog

Every year people tell me how stressed they are during the holidays. For some, it's dealing with relatives. For others, the intense pressure to spend to buy gifts. And for others, because they are lonely. So what's the answer? Ignore it...let's talk...

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Right, ignore it, you say. How can you? Well, the first step is in realizing that it is JUST a HOLIDAY. It won't take over your life. It may feel like that. But in fact, the holidays will come and go. So let's look at strategies for each situation.

DEALING WITH RELATIVES: Sometimes less is more. By that I mean that if your relatives are particularly difficult, attempt to minimize contact. Sure, you have to go to the big family dinner -- the one that eventually devolves into fighting, or people watching tv while snoring, or the cousins running around fighting....but when you are there, remember THIS IS NOT YOUR LIFE. This event will come and go.

To counteract unpleasant COMMAND APPEARANCES at holiday functions, plan some fun stuff for those you love. Start a ritual for your own family. Then stick to it.

One family I know who has a particularly irrasicble family simply scheduled a holiday trip the day after Christmas. They needed to get going EARLY in the morning, meaning, they couldn't hang out too late with the family the day before.

One final note: Families come in all shapes and sizes with all levels of niceness and dysfunction. If yours happens to be on the "I-Can't-Stand-It" end of things, remember you are not alone. There is NO completely happy family. But they are your family. You can participate without getting caught up in the vortex of dysfunction

SPENDING TOO MUCH MONEY ON GIFTS: First and foremost, SET A BUDGET FOR EACH PERSON ON YOUR LIST and calculate the total amount you will be spending and how you will be financing that. And make sure you HAVE a list. Wandering the mall can lead to spontaneous purchases. And sometimes you forget what you've already purchased for someone and buy something else as well. So make a list and carry it. And check them off. And DO NOT GO OVER YOUR BUDGET -- which means that your budgeted amount should have some wiggle room. For example, you say that you will spend $50-$75 on one person. That gives you enough room to find something without going over.

LONELINESS: This one is tough, especially people who suddenly find themselves alone at the holiday. The newly widowed or divorced. The empty nest parents. If you are in that position, then it's time to break with your routine -- at least for this year. Don't get out all the stuff that reminds you of happier holidays. Instead, take a trip. Or go to someone else's celebration. Look, the plain fact is that you will still be lonely, but at least you also won't have all your rituals to further torment you.

If you simply have been alone for awhile and find the holidays torture, I hate to sound hard nosed about it, but you need to use these holidays to figure out what the heck is going on. What is it about the way you have set up your life that you are lonely. Are you a workaholic who has no time for friends during the year? Have you alienated folks over some issue or behavior? Are you more comfortable sipping from the pity pot than you are willing to go out there and face challenges? Take some time this holiday season to take a cold hard look at who you are and what is meaningful to you. Make an eggnog and THINK about it and formulate a plan of action and reflection.

Obviously these suggestions are not exhaustive or even begin to explore these difficult issues, but the fact is the holidays are not just something we are entitled to passively enjoy but something we have to work at to find love and meaning. Don't be an observer in your life, be a force!!

And HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!